The $40 Guy is an idea I’ve been building over the past little while. The general idea is basic – The $40 Guy always has $40 in cash.

The amount is intentional as $40 is enough money to cover basic things a person could encounter: a round of drinks with the boys, a portion of a split dinner check, a cup of coffee and a pastry or a gift but it’s not so much money that you’re bragging or worried if it’s lost or stolen.

The cash portion is also intentional. In our digital economies, tapping our cards or sending money over an app is the norm. But cash is still king in smaller towns, locally owned shops, and, selfishly, if you just want to pay someone back easily.

However, like all good ideas, The $40 Guy has evolved beyond the cash in his wallet – though that’s very much still a key part of his M.O. – and he’s become a bastion for living a fulfilled life.

Some other traits of The $40 Guy:
– Huge fan of physical media: CDs, records, movies.
– Has a few good playlists but mostly an album guy.
– Thoroughly enjoys museums.
– Not a huge fan of small talk and will ask people such as bank tellers or grocers what their favorite movie is to pass the time.
– Reads at bars.
– Always down for a conversation if you start but won’t bother you for one.
– Says “sorry I let the dog out there” when he catches himself over reacting.
– Appreciates a good cup of coffee, a quality whiskey, or a craft root beer; Also very adamant about “good” water.
– While a “beverage guy” he isn’t above the basics and appreciates the role cheap beers or Diet Coke plays in society.
– Has knowledge of random or obsolete card games.
– Donates to Wikipedia.
– Invites neighbors over for dinner.
– Only has one credit card he tends to use for the “consumer protections.”
– Is a tourist in his own city/region and loves a vacation nearby.

While $40 is important to his style, The $40 Guy doesn’t complain or worry if he doesn’t have $40 on his person. He simply gets cash back next time he’s at the grocery store or an ATM in his network. The nonchalant vibe is the point.

I still struggle with finding out what I want to do or be within the life I’ve been given to live. Part of me wants to move into the wilderness or mountains, live on a farm and disappear into obscurity. Only to be remembered by those close enough to call me family or friend. Another part of me wants to work hard enough to become successful and have a Wikipedia page – remembered and known by those beyond my weekly reach.

I’ve struggled with this dichotomy for awhile, especially as I try to think about entering my 30s and being presented with pressure to make a choice and stick with it for the sake of stability. How do I know what I actually want? How can I be successful without overworking myself to the point of burnout? These are all questions I keep asking myself and learning there isn’t an exact answer. There isn’t an answer because life is one continuous cycle of grey area – Decisions without black and white answers, many of which you don’t know until you try.

So what will I do? I know that something in my life needs to change, as the direction I’ve been going the past few years has felt stagnant. The real answer I need to find is what do I do to fix it? Do I join a club? Pick up a new sport? Change careers completely? Find a new hobby? Change my routine? Log off? Finding purpose is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

How have others found purpose? Many seek it in religious activity others find it in their career. Some become parents and another group volunteers. I’ve tried a few of these things (at least those that are reversible, unlike parenthood, more on that later) and have enjoyed my time volunteering or becoming involved in my community. But there’s still a larger brick missing.

I think it’s my mindset. I’ve spent so much time searching for what I believe to be an answer to a question without one. Much of life comes down to the approach you take to each and every day. I’m working on changing my mindset from reacting to life and searching for more to driving my actions and choices with purpose. Thanks for being along for the ride.

Today I really don’t know what to write, but I promised myself I would. I’m pushing myself to do it because I’ve learned that perfection is the enemy of progress, especially when you’re talking about yourself. I’ve wanted to start a blog/journal/writing habit for years but been held back by “doing it the right way.” But doing it the right way isn’t the best way to do it if you never start. Starting, and, as I’m learning, continuing to push yourself to do something even if it isn’t perfect or exactly as you envision it is truly the more important way to do things.

So I’m here today. Writing about wanting to write, even though I really don’t want to because it won’t be perfect. It’ll be a messy glob of thoughts on a page with no real rhyme or reason. I have to learn that it’s OK to be messy, to turn in something a little rough around the edges because the fact I’m doing it is enough to make me feel stronger.

I’m doing my best to bring this mentality into more parts of my life. Pushing myself out of my daily habits. Showing up to work tomorrow with the mentality that I won’t have perfect grammar and spelling. Eating something different for breakfast to see how I feel. Walking a different path on my commute or daily walk outside. Getting comfortable with the fact I won’t do it in the most perfect or optimized way.

This blog isn’t perfect, I know that. I’ve already struggled with writing and rewriting it to get here. But reassuring myself that the fact I’m even doing this in the first place is something a previous me would be exceptionally proud of and one who’s future me is counting on me to keep going.

Growth is hard and usually sucks. As a kid, it was growing pains manifesting as cramps in your arms and legs or falling off your bike and skidding your knees. In the preteen years, it was starting at a new school, trying to make a first impression with a group of peers trying to not care. As a teen, it’s relationships and their subsequent breakups, a bad prom or losing your first real friend. The growth after high school and into college is tougher than before, but the path is paved with mentors, with professors and counselors put on the path with you along the way to guide you.

This childhood growth is normal and extensively talked about through pop culture, movies and discussions with peers. Not many people talk about what it’s like to grow as an adult. Even fewer talk about how much it hurts just as much as those childhood experiences.

I’ve grown a lot over the past year and it hasn’t been easy. I don’t have the full thoughts on the page at the moment other than just mentioning: it hurts. Questioning your existence is hard, emotionally taxing work and the road out isn’t fully paved. Some mentors happen to be at the same stop as you and help you along the way, others need to be sought out. While they’re along for the ride that is life, they come and go at pivotal life moments, often when you least expect them to.

These people are important to have on your path in life, serving the role of akin to a needed pit stop on a long journey. But the true reality is that you’re the only one that can get you to the desired destination. The trip is a lot harder, and significantly more painful, when you don’t believe in you.

I watched the movie Good Will Hunting for the first time ever two nights ago. I’m kind of in my movie era at the moment, catching up on a lot of the classics like Fargo, Rain Man and Good Will Hunting. I thought Good Will Hunting was great and it was interesting to see all these actors I know from my life in such young roles. It had me thinking about how to spend my youth, what I was going to do with it and where I want to see myself grow. What is my Will Hunting story?

10/10

I’m interested in starting a blog, but I don’t know where to start.

Consider this post that start.