I still struggle with finding out what I want to do or be within the life I’ve been given to live. Part of me wants to move into the wilderness or mountains, live on a farm and disappear into obscurity. Only to be remembered by those close enough to call me family or friend. Another part of me wants to work hard enough to become successful and have a Wikipedia page – remembered and known by those beyond my weekly reach.
I’ve struggled with this dichotomy for awhile, especially as I try to think about entering my 30s and being presented with pressure to make a choice and stick with it for the sake of stability. How do I know what I actually want? How can I be successful without overworking myself to the point of burnout? These are all questions I keep asking myself and learning there isn’t an exact answer. There isn’t an answer because life is one continuous cycle of grey area – Decisions without black and white answers, many of which you don’t know until you try.
So what will I do? I know that something in my life needs to change, as the direction I’ve been going the past few years has felt stagnant. The real answer I need to find is what do I do to fix it? Do I join a club? Pick up a new sport? Change careers completely? Find a new hobby? Change my routine? Log off? Finding purpose is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
How have others found purpose? Many seek it in religious activity others find it in their career. Some become parents and another group volunteers. I’ve tried a few of these things (at least those that are reversible, unlike parenthood, more on that later) and have enjoyed my time volunteering or becoming involved in my community. But there’s still a larger brick missing.
I think it’s my mindset. I’ve spent so much time searching for what I believe to be an answer to a question without one. Much of life comes down to the approach you take to each and every day. I’m working on changing my mindset from reacting to life and searching for more to driving my actions and choices with purpose. Thanks for being along for the ride.
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